Sunday, August 25, 2013

Regards, Abilaire: The Chatroom #2

Sunday Serial 2: Spammed

justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
justin_time: Spam
abilaire_22: Will You Please Stop It?  I’m Trying To Do English Right Now And Whenever You Spam The Chatroom I Break Concentration!!!!!!!!
justin_time: Sorry.  Mrs. Kennedy is really killing us with homework, isn’t she?
abilaire_22: Nah, not killing us.  Just flushing us down the toilet.
justin_time: Want to know what I do whenever Mrs. Kennedy annoys me by giving us too much homework?
abilaire_22: No!  
justin_time: Sure, I’ll be glad to tell you.  It’s a little trick called procrastination.
abilaire_22: *rolls eyes*  Yeah, I think I’ve heard of it.  Oh yeah, and I was on close terms at one point with it too (it was my first love... *sigh*).  Until I got a D in English.  Then I broke up with it.
justin_time: I’ve never gotten a D in English, and I’ve procrastinated my whole life.
notsomaddex: Your report card states otherwise, Justin.  
justin_time: What?
notsomaddex: In the last week of the third trimester in fifth grade, you received an F in spelling.  
justin_time: What?!!!!!
notsomaddex: Oh, and guess what word you missed?
abilaire_22: What?!!!!
notsomaddex: “Procrastination”
justin_time: That was bloody murder!  We were only fifth graders!  I was young then!
abilaire_22: That wasn’t bloody murder; that was Mrs. McGundry sending you a little message.  Of course, you didn’t exactly get the message, since you didn’t spell it right, obviously...
mostly_pristine_christine: Anyone else procrastinating the killer assignment that Mrs. Kennedy gave us?
notsomaddex: As a matter of fact, I finished it in class.
mostly_pristine_christine: What universe have you been in, Justin?  Of course Maddex is a stinking genius!  The problem is, if I don’t finish, I can’t go to cheerleading practice.  I Need Help!!!!  If I miss cheerleading practice then I’ll get demoted from being team captain, and I might even get kicked off the team!
justin_time: I don’t think even geniuses can write a short story using ALL twenty of our vocabulary words.  Oh, and just our luck that this assignment falls when ALL our vocabulary words are antonyms!  I don’t think “bomb” and “peace” can be in the same room, let alone on the same page!
notsomaddex: It’s a matter of simple common sense.
abilaire_22: Common sense?  What’s that?  I think I lost that in fifth grade, when Mrs. McGundry assigned us spelling words like “procrastination.”
notsomaddex: Uncultured children.  All you have to do is define one word in terms of another.
abilaire_22: What Are You Talking About?
notsomaddex: For example, the words “bomb” and “peace.”  You define peace as “no bombing.”  Simple.
abilaire_22: But how do you weave that into your story? *you’re a lifesaver*
notsomaddex: Unfortunately, that’s for me to know and you to find out.
mostly_pristine_christine: Ummm...can you give us a hint?
notsomaddex: The hint is, use your imagination.  Mrs. Kennedy said the story didn’t have to make sense.
justin_time: I bet I can make up a story quicker than you guys.
abilaire_22: Oh, no, not another betting game!  
mostly_pristine_christine: You’re on.
abilaire_22: Oh, no................GUYS?  GUYS!
mostly_pristine_christine: DONE!
justin_time: You’ve got to be kidding me.  You hacked into Maddex’s brain!  Call 911!
mostly_pristine_christine: *supremely disdainful* A cheerleading captain would never cheat.  Here it is:

There once was a kid named Ted who had some very interesting ideas.  “To make peace you cannot bomb!” he cried out in the streets of Uglaburgoh, where he lived.  Uglaburgoh was a very boring and uncultured place.  Ted dreamed of sophistication every day, and he was considered eccentric by all who knew him.  “Ted is a stark-raving lunatic!” Ted’s brother, Adam, yelled during class (yelling during class was considered very normal and sane in Uglaburgoh).  “Of course he is!” Adam’s friend, Jundy, whispered.  “He’s your brother!”  Adam shot Jundy a dirty glance that made it seem like Jundy was his enemy.  Then Adam went home, where his mother was making the entire house seem sparkling clean.  “Our employers are coming over!” she announced.  “We must make them a circular dish!”  “But my employees must dine at our square table!” Ted said.

justin_time: You must be joking.  That is the worst story I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
mostly_pristine_christine: I bet it’s better than the one you came up with.
justin_time: I bet not.
abilaire_22: That was amazing, Chris!!
notsomaddex: Christine, from my point of view, your story was very intriguing.  Awkward wording, and improper formatting, but otherwise, very interesting.
justin_time: This is my story.  At least, the part of it I finished:

“I am your employer,” Biddledee said to Biddledum.  “You are my employee.”  “Yessir,” said Biddledum, who was known to be a very boring person.  “Yessir, I am.”  “You must wash your socks every other day and run around banging a guitar on people’s heads,” Biddledee told Biddledum.  Biddledee was known to be a lunatic as well as a frenemy to many.  “Make sure the guitar is square,” Biddledee instructed.  “Circular guitars are SO overrated.”  “Yessir,” said Biddledum.  “Sophistication is also of the essence,” said Biddledee.

mostly_pristine_christine: Quite intriguing, if I do say so myself.  And is Mrs. Kennedy going to buy “frenemy”?
justin_time: If she doesn’t, I’ll give it to her for nothing.
mostly_pristine_christine: I would haughtily retort at this point in time, but I must leave for cheerleading.  Thank you, Maddex, for the help.  *flounces away*

(mostly_pristine_christine has left the chatroom)

justin_time: Wow, that chocolate cake smells so good.  I’d invite you all over for a piece, but since NONE of you apparently liked my story, I will resort to eating it by myself.

(justin_time has left the chatroom)

notsomaddex: Abilaire?  Are you still there?
abilaire_22: Oh, yeah, I just finished my story!  It’s pretty boring.
notsomaddex: Let’s see it.
abilaire_22: Nah, I’ll make it a surprise in class.  You know she always asks me to read it, because she thinks I’m such a shy person.
notsomaddex: You aren’t.
abilaire_22: No, just around her.  
notsomaddex: I think I have to go, too.  There’s something burning in Mom’s lab, and I might have to help put the sodium chloride fire out again or something.
abilaire_22: Okay!  Have fun! *I think*

(notsomaddex has left the chatroom)

abilaire_22: Dear Future Me, That Was Kind Of Fun.  Please Force Maddex To Be As Unhelpfully Helpful In The Future.  

Regards, Abilaire

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