Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sunday Serial 1: REGARDS, ABILAIRE


Regards, Abilaire: The Chatroom


Sunday Serial by Rcubed

abilaire_22 is Abilaire Jesi, your atypical middle grader.  
justin_time is Justin Thime (pronounced “time”), Abilaire’s friend and the hilarious, athletic son of two chefs.
notsomaddex is Maddex McCarthy, Abilaire’s friend and the comically technical nerd-geek that is so smart, he seems dumb.
mostly_pristine_christine is Christine Jennings, Abilaire’s friend and the most popular girl at school

Sunday Serial 1: Introduction to our Gang
abilaire_22: I’m Abilaire.  You can call me Abby.
justin_time: Mine’s Justin, and btw, please don’t call Abilaire Abby.  It’s just one of those things that NOBODY ever does and never EVER will do.
abilaire_22: Thanks a lot, Justin Thime.
notsomaddex: Hello, my name is Maddex, and I am one of Abilaire Jesi’s friendly acquaintances (my sources inform me that it is not proper for twelve-year-olds to have friends for boys--oops, I mean, boys for friends; hence, friendly acquaintance).
abilaire_22: How many times do I have to tell you, Maddex, it doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl!  You all are my friends.
mostly_pristine_christine: Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok.  I’m Christine.  I’m Abilaire’s friend.
abilaire_22: We’re making this chatroom because in the future, we want to see what it was like when it was all uncomplicated and carefree.  We’re in 6th grade.  My sister, Angy, said she wishes that she and her friends had done that before everything got complicated.  She said it started getting bad in seventh grade, like when her BF Britt moved away and Garrytt Maddison started liking her and
justin_time: Um, you don’t really need to give us all the details.  And whenever I see your sister’s name spelled that way, it makes me think of those cheesy ARGYLE beanies that people get for free if they got to the Angels baseball games
abilaire_22: Now who’s giving out too many details?
justin_time: I’m fulfilling my English teacher’s requirements.  You don’t want to get in the way of my education, do you?  Just imagine me in twenty years: a hobo on the side of the street, all because you made me stop obeying Mrs. Kennedy. *shakes head*  The influences my friends have on me.  No wonder my brother wants to move to Hawaii.
mostly_pristine_christine: It’s like one of those things.  You know.  Like, I lost my pen and I couldn’t do my homework and I got a zero and I failed the class and I failed the grade and I repeated 6th grade and I dropped out of school and I worked at McDonalds and I got fired and I lost all my money and I became a hobo who hops railroads.  All because you lose a pen.  Oh, and did you know that Al Capone dropped out of school in sixth grade?  Not hinting about anything...
notsomaddex: I’ve calculated the probability of Justin becoming a hobo and I’m very pleased to report that he has exactly a 55.5% of succeeding in life, which is twenty percent more than last year.
abilaire_22: You’re joking.  Did you calculate my percentage?
justin_time: Maddex, you mean that a year ago I had 20.5% a chance of succeeding?  Boy, was I sad then...
mostly_pristine_christine: Justin, with math like that you WILL be winding up a hobo that hops the rails.  30.5%, dumbo.
justin_time: JUST KIDDING!  Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOL I can’t believe you fell for that!
mostly_pristine_christine: Wow, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh.
notsomaddex: Yes, Abilaire, you have an 90.3219% chance at succeeding in life.
abilaire_22: How so precise?
notsomaddex: I recently inputed your last report card’s grades; it made it into an irrational number, which is quite alarming considering that my computer is only a BTLX 90.2948, but I’m very pleased to say my trusty laptop managed!
abilaire_22: Wait, how did you know my last report card grades?!
notsomaddex: The school system doesn’t exactly have the most secure firewall protecting their students’ records.  Don’t worry, you received the highest grades in the class next to me. (Author’s note: Not spoken from experience. I am not a hacker.)
abilaire_22: Dude, Maddex, you’re like a ninja.
notsomaddex: I know.  But I prefer thinking of myself as a samurai ninja.
mostly_pristine_christine: Um, do those even exist?  I mean, the whole POINT of a samurai is kind of like the opposite of a ninja...
notsomaddex: I know, but one can dream, can’t he? :)
justin_time: Yes.  When I was younger I dreamed of becoming a rocket scientist, but then Maddex burst onto the scene and all my dreams were crumbled to dust...Thanks a lot, Maddex.
mostly_pristine_christine: You’re joking!  lololololololololol.  
notsomaddex: I’m incredibly honored to be a part of shaping someone’s destiny. *sarcasm*
justin_time: Anyway, my plans are set on becoming a Major League Baseball player!  
abilaire_22: I’ve seen you play baseball.  You’re pretty good.
justin_time: *gasps* WOW, did ABILAIRE AMANDA JESI just COMPLIMENT me?
abilaire_22: That’s my quota for ten years.  One compliment per decade.
justin_time: I just won the Nobel Peace Prize! *swoons*
abilaire_22: No, you won MVP for a century.  That’s even better.
justin_time: Whoops, time for dinner.  Mom’s making Parmesan chicken; then I have to help with the night rush at J Cafe.
abilaire_22: Oh, wonderful.  Justin Thime helping.  That’s amazing.  I think I just won MVP for a century along with the Nobel Peace Prize
mostly_pristine_christine: Have fun, Justin.  I’m going to the movies.
justin_time: Whoa, I feel bad for you.  Here I’ll be, having the time of my life, while you’ll be stuck in a theater eating day-old popcorn covered in fake liquid that people call butter.  I’d invite you to join in the fun, but...
mostly_pristine_christine: You are so stinking frustratin’!  See you.

(mostly_pristine_christine has left the chatroom)

justin_time: I guess it’s so long, folks.  Parmesan-crusted chicken is calling out to me  *eat me!  eat me!*  Can you hear it?!

(justin_time has left the chatroom)

notsomaddex: WOW!  Mom’s experiment with Plasteel just worked!  OH MY GOODNESS, I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW...SEE YOU!

abilaire_22: Dear Future Me, Please Make Sure My Friends Are As Entertaining As They Are Right Now.

-Regards, Abilaire

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