Sunday, September 8, 2013

Sunday Serial: Regards, Abilaire 4

Sunday Serial 5: Teachers and Dog Stories


oh_so_abilaire: I’ve changed my username!
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Copycat.
oh_so_abilaire: I wonder why everybody calls people “copycat.”  Don’t they realize that it’s offensive to cats?  I’d rather be called “copyfish” or “copycapybara” or “copy
jumpin_jehoshaphat: And I wonder why you’re so annoying.
notsomaddex: In answer to your question, Abilaire, I believe that the reason why everyone calls others “copycat” is for the mere reasons that #1, it’s alliterative, which means that the two words start with the same letter, and #2, “cat” is the shortest possible word that is alliterative.  No offense to cats, of course.
oh_so_abilaire: Thank you for the explanation, Maddex.
mostly_pristine_christine: I like your new username, Abilaire.
oh_so_abilaire: Thanks, Christine!  See, Justin--Christine likes my username.  
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Oh?
oh_so_abilaire: Christine’s the captain of the cheerleading team.  
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Um...okay...?????????????
mostly_pristine_christine: Is anyone else tired from studying for the science test Mrs. Maeir told us she was going to hand out today?
notsomaddex: I happen to know that Mrs. Maeir is susceptible to rambling, and I did have a curiosity of the fascinating history of the Pompeii volcanic explosion, so I got enough rest yesterday, as I knew there wouldn’t be a test today...
oh_so_abilaire: Suckers!  I got Mr. Dene.  He doesn’t BELIEVE in tests!
jumpin_jehoshaphat: So the rumors are true, then.
oh_so_abilaire: Instead of tests, he makes us record a video diary of the things we learned and our honest opinions about them.  We have to talk for at least two minutes every day.
mostly_pristine_christine: You are SO lucky.  I guess it does pay to be one of the good kids...
oh_so_abilaire: Maddex is a good kid--better than I am, at least--and he ended up in Mrs. Maeir’s class.
notsomaddex: I also happen to ask supposedly unanswerable questions, and for some people that counts as bad as being an alcoholic or something equally appalling.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: In fifth grade, I loved the look on Mr. Keefer’s face when you asked him why evolution is regarded as truth when it’s only a theory.  I still dream about that facial expression...I disliked Mr. Keefer very, very, very, very strongly.
oh_so_abilaire: Dreaming about your teachers is just plain creepy, Justin.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: What about dreaming about humiliating your teachers?
mostly_pristine_christine: That’s just plain mean.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Anyway, so half of us dummies are tired, one genius and one good kid aren’t, and where does that lead us?
oh_so_abilaire: What chapter are you guys on?
notsomaddex: Where they talk about igneous rocks.  The subject matter really is quite fascinating; I truly was interested in Pompeii and thought I might, for once, do my fellow students what they call a “service” and help them along a bit...Mrs. Maeir is almost seventy years old, after all, and she does have a tendency to ramble.
oh_so_abilaire: You’re back there?  We’re a couple sections ahead, where they talk about sedimentary rocks.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Yeah, yeah, rub it in.
oh_so_abilaire: Rub what in?  Cajun spice with cayenne pepper, or that killer soy sauce marinade your parents put on the Korean BBQ?  Btw, how is the restaurant doing?  We haven’t been there in a while.
mostly_pristine_christine: It’s doing very well.  I went there yesterday to study with Justin.  I heard your parents added a new waitress.  Quite a voice, doesn’t she?
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Yeah, lol.  Her name’s Regina, she has hot pink hair with an electric-blue stripe down the middle, and she keeps on belting out “Heart Attack” by Demi Lovato.  Except she can’t hit the high note, so...
mostly_pristine_christine: She’s very interesting.  She makes a good Caesar salad, though.  Much better than Timothy’s Caesar salad.  Timothy’s Caesar salad is always overdressed and has too much salt, and the croutons are always soggy.  Regina even put pepper in mine!
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Yeah, Regina’s all about quality, while Timothy’s all about speed.  We almost fired Timothy.  Did you hear what happened?
oh_so_abilaire: What?
notsomaddex: Do I want to hear this?
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Knowing you, you don’t want to hear it, but I’ll tell you anyway.  So Timothy’s got kind of a hot temper, right?
oh_so_abilaire: Oh boy.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: And he, like, HATES dogs, for whatever reason--I think he got bit or something when he was little--by a Chihuahua--
notsomaddex: We share a common link.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: And then this one old lady brings in her dog for brunch.  We don’t have a sign that says No Pets, so the lady just brings it in.  She’s like, the green-polyester-pantsuit type of lady, with curly gray hair, and she has a hot pink purse that she carries the dog in
mostly_pristine_christine: Oh, THAT kind of lady...
jumpin_jehoshaphat: and Timothy happens to be her waiter, but he doesn’t see the dog, so he takes her order--hashbrowns and sausage--and just as he’s about to leave, she says, “Oh, and Dinny needs a meal, too, you can’t forget Dinny” and Timothy’s looking around for Dinny--the guy didn’t have his contacts in and he’s practically blind without them, so he just nods like he knows she’s talking about--and he takes the order--poached egg with ham and hollandaise sauce, along with a bowl of warm water--and he goes away.  Pretty soon he comes back, and he has the poached eggs, but he’s looking around for Dinny, and he sets the plate across the lady, but the lady says, “Oh, set it here, please, Dinny’s sitting right here, yes he is.”  So Tim sets it there, and he comes back with a CUP of warm water, not a bowl, and the lady says, “I need it in a BOWL, not a cup” and Tim gets kind of mad and he says, “Where’s Dinny?  Shouldn’t he be able to drink from a cup as well as a bowl?” and she shakes her head so he brings her a bowl but he’s steaming mad because Regina took a table from him while he was getting the bowl, which means less tip.  And Timothy’s starting to get kind of suspicious of the gal, so he hides around the corner so he can spy on her--hear her talking, although he can’t see her--and then he hears her saying, “Good boy, Dinny, good boy for eating” and he sneaks a peek, but then he sees her looking at the space right next to her--but obviously he can’t see the dog--and he gets SUPER suspicious for whatever reason and, to make a long story short, he calls the police because she starts cooing to the purse, and when the officer comes, the lady gets all mad and takes the dog out and shouts, “It’s a DOG, you dummy!” and the ENTIRE restaurant starts laughing, and Timothy gets so stinkin’ mad that he takes the poor dog and dumps its head into the bowl of warm water and storms off.  So he got demoted to busboy.
oh_so_abilaire: Ohhhh...very interesting story
mostly_pristine_christine: Timothy’s kind of annoying.
jumpin_jehoshaphat: Speak for yourself.
mostly_pristine_christine: That is so nice, Justin *sarcasm*
notsomaddex: It is my opinion that Timothy is hotheaded and that he needs to be cooled down and think before he acts.  He needs to be more analyzing of his actions instead of, to put it commonly, “jumping into the brawl.”
jumpin_jehoshaphat: So, I guess, the moral is, don’t judge.
oh_so_abilaire: Like people presume that cats are copiers?
jumpin_jehoshaphat: I’m tired, Abilaire.  Don’t get me started.
oh_so_abilaire: Sorry.  But I’m just super annoyed!  Now I’m REALLY REALLY mad at Timothy for doing that to the poor dog...
jumpin_jehoshaphat: If you ask me, the dog could stand to have a bath.  It smelled like that Justin Bieber perfume.
notsomaddex: *cough* And how would you know what Justin Bieber perfume smells like?
jumpin_jehoshaphat: I happen to be a personal friend of his.
mostly_pristine_christine: Boys.  Just don’t.  And gtg, copycats.  Maddex, are you planning on pulling the same trick about Pompeii tomorrow?  
notsomaddex: No.  Once a year is enough.
mostly_pristine_christine: Then I’m off...to study.  *yawn* bye, guys.


(mostly_pristine_christine has left the chatroom)


notsomaddex: I must study, too.  


(notsomaddex has left the chatroom)


jumpin_jehoshaphat: Bye, copydog.  


(jumpin_jehoshaphat has left the chatroom)


oh_so_abilaire: Dear Future Me, I Wonder What Expressions We’ll Be Using In The Future.  We Might Say, “Oh My Gargoyles” Instead Of “Oh My Gosh” or “Fullygully” Instead Of “Cool” Or “Awesome.”  Oh, Boy, I Can’t Wait For The Future, In That Case.
-Regards, Abilaire

No comments:

Post a Comment