Friday, April 11, 2014

Bash Those Birthdays

Being a teenager is awesome.  

Okay, fine.  *hands up*  Some parts about it might not be so great, like the hormones that cause you to do dumb stuff that people remember for the rest of your life.

But other aspects of teenager-dom are pretty awesome.  For example, the freedom.  And the snookery.  (<--Not a word, but it will be!)

To expound on the freedom-and-snookery part a bit more, let me explain.

Recently, my mom had her birthday.  And I made a pact with myself: I'd actually take the time to write her a card/letter.  And buy her a present.  (For those of you who don't know, I'm really bad with procrastinating about people's birthdays.)  AND I was going to make her a cake.

So, I came up with a plan that involved some snookery (and a little bit of adventure).

I asked my mom if I could go for a run at six.  She said six-thirty.  I said OK.  But the good part about it is, I run by myself, and there's no specific set rule to how far I can go (yet).  I guess technically I could run to China if I make it back within the hour.  (But then, only Jesus walks on water.)

I also asked her if I could go to Starbucks.  We live a couple of streets down from a plaza that has Starbucks, a bank (that recently got robbed), Vons, Rubios, and Carl's Jr, and sometimes I stop by there after school to grab a frap.

She said yes, so I immediately started in on the snookery.  I made a schedule on my phone, and I have to say, it was fun to be sneaky (for a good cause).

First on my hit list was writing.  I woke up at 5:15-ish and started in on Polar Opposites. (I'm running down the final stretch, and it felt really good to write an action scene.)  At 6:15 I dressed and went off.

I ran for about 14 minutes total.  Total, because after I hit the ten-minute mark I decided I didn't want to push myself and I ran-walked-ran-walked-ran-walked.  It was nice to be out in the open air, enjoying the gloominess of early morning and pretending to be healthy.

I ran to the plaza and went into Vons, where I had decided to buy the cake mix in order to save my mom the trouble of buying her own cake.  Unfortunately, the instant I walked in I had to go to the restroom.

The only problem was, Where on earth was it?!

I walked down an aisle of boxed goods, and a sense of sadness about the materialistic values of American society hit me.  (Also, I got this kleptomaniac urging, but never fear, I would never steal.)  I made a circle around the whole store searching for a restroom.  I literally thought that I was going to die.  Either that, or make a public humiliation of myself.

When I was circling back, the symptoms subsided but came back.  I went to the front of the store and was searching with my eyes one more time until they fell on the restroom sign, which was hidden in a canopy of plants.


I felt like doing a victory lap, but because that would have been awkward for everyone, I didn't.

When I came out, I started to look for the cake mix.  (Thank goodness the aisle was labeled.)  I walked to the array of cake mixes, and chose a red velvet and a chocolate one that were on sale.  I walked back and gave them to a cashier, who I'm sure was wondering what on earth a young girl was doing with two cake mix boxes at seven in the morning.  

I bought the boxes, proudly used the Vons card by giving her our phone number, and as she was completing the transaction, the changemaker dropped a couple of coins into a little cup.  I didn't think much of it, and as I walked out, I noticed that she had gypped me two cents.  (I'm not very good at putting two and two together.  Sometimes I get five.)

I had no idea why anybody would gyp somebody two cents--for convenience's sake, maybe?--but I decided I wasn't going to become destitute from losing two cents.  So I walked across the parking lot to Starbucks, where a bunch of ladies with WeightWatchers nametags were waiting in line.  (None of them were remotely fat.)  I had to wait five-ten minutes, and then I bought a tall Caramel Apple Spice and a ten-dollar gift card for my mom's birthday.  Perfect planning.  I carried it my plan out!

Except for the fact that the Caramel Apple Spice was 1) Way too hot, and 2) Way too sour.  I scalded my mouth (which was my fault), and it wasn't that good--which is Starbucks' fault.  I think the only caramel they put in there is drizzled on top of the whipped cream.

But whatever.  I looked pretty cool walking back, I'm sure.  I had a Vons plastic bag full of cake mix in one hand, and a nice, warm Starbucks drink in the other.  Just imagine it.


I came home, hid the gift card, and snapped a picture, which I posted on Instagram.

(Follow me @r3blogger)

Then I took out the whipped cream and squirted more on top of the drink.  I ended up only eating the whipped cream part.  I deliberated throwing the drink in the trash, but that would be like throwing out the $3.25 I forked over for it.  So I took out the milk and peanut butter and jelly and bread and dipped the sandwich into it.

It still didn't taste good after the sandwich was done, so I poured lots of milk and stirred it.  (The bread particles flew around the drink in a really cool way, as shown by the poor-quality video below.)


Even after that, it still didn't taste good, so I went to my last resort: making it an Iced Caramel Apple Spice.

And it worked!  I guess I like cold drinks better than hot ones.

Then I told my mom about the gypping at Vons, and she asked, "Doesn't the change go into the little cup thing?"


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