Friday, May 23, 2014

How To Make a Sour Smoothie: Recipe for Disaster

Imagine that you're basking under the sun in your bathing suit, the warmth vibrating into your whole body, the blueness of your private saltwater pool laying pleasantly in your eyes.  Imagine a condensing cool drink in your right hand, cold from the hour spent in the fridge.  Imagine picking it up...the straw sliding through your lips into your take a sip--


Recently, where I live, it's been sweltering hot.  I've also been trying to eat healthier (what a joke), so I wanted to make myself a smoothie instead of grabbing ice cream.

Admittedly, it was more like an EXPERIMENT than an attempt at making something EDIBLE.  Do you ever have one of those days were you're feeling "adventurous" and want to do something out of the norm, JUST IN CASE it works?

For me, that was one of those days.

So I decided to make a smoothie.  




Strawberry Chobani Greek yogurt.

Cool Whip!  Note how it says "Whipped Topping"...because "whipped cream" would be politically incorrect.  I looked at the list of ingredients and it said something like HYDROGENATED OIL, SUGAR, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF MILK.


And...the defining factor...


I think the watermelon was the "defining factor" to all of this.  Had I not put in the watermelon, the smoothie's consistency would have been thicker and the taste would have been better. But when you do something unconventional, you have the adventure of trying to figure out if it's going to work.  Would you rather have Adventure or Amazing Taste?


1.  Throw some ice in.  (Note how I don't say the exact amount of ice...I just say "some ice."  This is the defining point between me and Rachael Ray, guys.)

2.  Toss in a splash of milk and the Chobani.  Blend all together.

Helpful Hint: If you're having trouble peeling the banana from the top, PEEL IT FROM THE BOTTOM INSTEAD.  (*mind blows*)

 3.  Plop a banana in.  Blend.

 4.  Plunk some watermelon in....mmmm.  Blend.

5.  Despite my utter hatred of American society's processed, genetically modified food, Cool Whip is pretty good.  So scoop a couple spoonfuls into the smoothie.  Blend.

 FINISHED PRODUCT ^^^^  It looks pretty inconspicuous, doesn't it? :-)

I knew that the smoothie wouldn't be very good, so I pulled a punch of irony and put the smoothies into the mugs.  (It's ironic because we usually use mugs for hot drinks on cold days, but I used the mugs for cold drinks on a hot day...yeah...get, I'm not funny.)  Anyway, I poured some liquid in (pretty watery), dolloped each with more Cool Whip, and sprinkled some chocolate chips on top.  Then I delivered it to my younger sister, who was watching Sheriff Callie (on Disney Junior).

My first words after taking a sip went along the lines of, "Oh my goodness, this is disgusting."

Okay, so it wasn't THAT bad.

But it was pretty sour.

I think it was the watermelon.


So how can two awesome things not go well together?

PULL YOURSELF TOGETHA MAN! (That's what the guy on the game BopIt says.  I want to hit him every time I hear that.)

So.  Yeah.  The moral of the story?  

Don't make smoothies with watermelon.

Or else they'll turn sour, and when they turn sour you throw some of it out.

And when you throw some of it out, you feel entitled to eating something else sweet.

Something else like Trader Joe's Mini Chocolate-Chip Cookies.

And you end up busting your gut and not being healthy, which is WHY YOU MADE A SMOOTHIE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I love irony.  Don't you?


P.S.  Had any other baking disasters?  Any tips for those who love to cook and experiment?  Feel free to leave them in a comment below, just be sure to keep everything edifying to those around you!


  1. Lol, yes I have had baking experiments go wrong. A couple of years ago I went to bake a cake for my Mum's birthday. Now what I THOUGHT I was baking was an Angel Food Cake but it wasn't. So I baked the cake and hid it just as my Mum came home and then later we frosted it with whipped cream and powdered sugar. Mum blew out the candles and we cut it only to find that what I had made was nothing like an Angel Food Cake but more like a Pound Cake! How completely opposite can you get?! :) But that is the only real disaster I have had. It still tasted good it just wasn't what I had expected. :)


    1. Haha, that was a mistake that worked! :-) Unfortunately, in my case, it didn't work :-(