Friday, August 8, 2014

Funny Fridays: How To Be a (Bad) Superhero

I was leaning against my wall, thinking of what to write for Funny Friday, when I came up with this post. Just as a disclaimer, I totally pantsed this, so I'm sorry if it's weird/wacky/way too random.

We all love superheroes, right? And for the most part, they're all really good. Batman's got his super-technological stuff, Superman can fly, the Hulk can tear things down and SMASH.

All pictures on this post were found on Wikipedia.

But you know what, it's time to break the status quo (don't listen to High School Musical). Good superheroes are too predominant in society; it's time to throw some bad superheroes into the mix. And, with these simple steps, you too can break the barriers and truly become a BAD SUPERHERO.

1. Make sure you never, ever rescue people. I mean, come on. That's all superheroes ever do: rescue people. We don't want to do that; it's just too mainstream and over-cliched! No, make sure you never rescue people. Your reputation as a bad superhero is at stake if you rescue people.

2. Don't fall into a vat of chemicals; fall into a bucket. Chemical-y stuff like gamma radiation is kool, but not when you're exposed to too much of it, like the Hulk (who wants to be like the Hulk anyway?). However, you do want to look impressive: so when you gain powers by falling into chemicals, make sure you only fall into a bucket. That way, you have enough powers to show off, but not enough powers to be actually expected to save someone. (That's so been done before.)

3. If people approach you, pretend to be dumb. Superheroes are supposed to be smart. Bruce Wayne, a.k.a. Batman, is a billionaire known for his technology. Tony Stark, Ironman, is a genius. But smart people are often asked for favors, and bad superheroes don't have favors to give away--I mean, they're busy! So if you don't want to be asked for a favor, give them your best wide-eyed blank stare and say, "Whaaaaat?" over and over and over again. This has been tested and proven in the best bad-superhero labs as the most effective way to get rid of people; not only do the measly civilians go away, but they get annoyed as well! Double points!

Gif found on

4. Let the criminals commit crime. There's probably a reason why they steal that computer or TV. Probably their kid doesn't have one, or maybe their desperate situation doesn't allow it. The criminals are probably just good people who are misguided. Let them steal that Kinect, that PlayStation, that Xbox. As for the kleptomaniacs, the shoplifters? The poor people probably just need to get the bad stuff out of their system. I mean, they deal with so many underwear-wearing heroes that they definitely need a break from society's boundaries.

5. Don't wear a suit. Seriously, the dumbest thing you could do is wear a suit. ALL the superheroes wear them. However, for bad superheroes, the worst thing you want to do is misguide people into thinking you're going to save the day, when you most certainly aren't. No, NEVER wear a suit.

Picture found on wikipedia & edited on picmonkey

So...I hope you enjoyed that bit. I had a lot of fun writing it, because the deeper I got into it, the more I realized that this post is a satire for society.

If you were a bad superhero, what would your name be and why? Mine would probably be Ditzy Dudette, a girl who forgets all the important things and remembers all the unimportant things.


  1. Hi! I tagged you for an award at my blog:)
    In Christ,

    1. Wow, thanks! Not sure if I'll get to it...but thank you anyway!