Friday, August 22, 2014

Funny Fridays: How To Be Viewed As a Smart Person

Our society enjoys being smart.

It's just a key factor to our society: pretending/actually being smart, and admiring other people who pretend to be/actually are smart. If you'd like to be viewed as a smart person, here are some tips...

1. Comment vehemently on current events. Comment on whatever you want--abortion, smartphones, Gravity, etc. Just make sure you do it emphatically, make sure that you use a lot of big words, and also that your argument makes sense to some people. (It doesn't matter who; not everyone is going to think you're smart. Just make sure you cater to your target audience, say the exact right things, and push the exact right buttons, and you'll be set!) It doesn't really matter how much knowledge or wisdom you have on the issue you're commenting on, just as long as you sound good doing it. For example, if I were talking about Gravity...

Gravity is a movie devoid of utter emotional connection. You see the agony and hear the 
passionate screams of the ever-present Sandra Bullock, yet I felt no connection to her character whatsoever. It felt to me as if a black hole had sucked out the potential emotional link of this film, and left it merely with Alfonso CuarĂ³n's over-hyped cinematography and "astounding" research.
See? I sound like an intelligent person. I haven't even seen the movie, so I technically can't have any opinions about it, but I still sound intelligent.

2. Say a lot of inspirational quotes. How do you make up catchy phrases and inspirational quotes? you might ask. Follow these three short steps and you'll have a good inspirational quote!

  1. Pick a topic, any topic. Let's pick hope.
  2. What is something true about hope, besides the fact that it's hopeful? (Try using a metaphorical statement, or a simile.) Let's say that hope gives light to those who have it.
  3. That's a good inspirational quote in itself, but we want to have that extra dramatic flair.  How do we get that dramatic flair? We contrast an element of the quote with its opposite. For example, let's contrast light with dark: Hope gives light to those who have it, even in the darkest of nights.
See? Can't you just imagine that on BrainyQuote? 

3. Dress the part. Generally, people who are looked upon as "smart" do not wear gold chains, backwards baseball caps, and pants on the ground. "Intelligent" people have an air of "sensibility" or an idea of the "conventional"; in other words, they don't have gold teeth. (After all, everyone knows that having gold teeth causes cancerous tissues to ravage your unsuspecting bodily vessel.) They can be preppy kool, or normal kool, or hippie kool, but you can't be gangster kool for some reason. (Because of society's stereotypes.)

4. Make sure you rake people down. When you analyze life, you have to make sure to tread on people's toes. Because all intelligent people have a little friction with the people who aren't smart? It amps up the drama, causes more debate...and you get to prove to people why YOU'RE right, and why YOU'RE smart, and why the other person is wrong and not smart!

If you want to be looked upon as a smart person, this is the post for you. If you learn how to truly be smart...I'm afraid this little blurb is the wrong place to look.

No comments:

Post a Comment