Sunday, November 22, 2015

eternity.

Hey, long time no talk!

It's been exactly two weeks since I've last posted...and dang, some stuff has happened. First off, one of my projects is starting to come together. I'll give you more details on it later, but for now, sit tight.

My work-in-progress is coming along, slowly and erratically. I fleshed out some of my ideas in a notebook on Friday night, and have been sitting on them ever since. If truth be told, I'm not very focused on that one. It's coming along.

I've also been thinking a lot, in terms of real life.

Tennis season ended. My tennis team finished CIF (high school playoffs) about a week ago, in second place, which is really good. We'd never made it to the semifinals before then, so when we won the semis we were thrilled. Even though we didn't manage to pull out the win, we're still incredibly excited. Since we're moving up a league next year into a more competitive one, that will probably be the last time we'll ever win league and move onto CIF. 

Junior year has been crazy, to say the least. I've had several meltdowns (one including me crying over my math book...literally...and dripping tears on its pages...and then me putting a Post-It note on the places where the tears landed and writing, "Yes, those are tear marks. Good luck.") I detest science. Math is fairly easy this year, which I'm glad to say. Language arts is actually challenging this year. Jumping from one AP class to three was major. 

I'm going in for my driver's test on January 5th! It's the Tuesday we come back from winter break, so I'm really, really, really excited. I've already had two driving lessons, and I've gotten slightly better since June, so...that's always good! 

AND IT'S THANKSGIVING BREAK!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited, particularly because I'm going to be doing a lot of things, like watching Mockingjay, Part 2 with my book club, and eating food. (Lots of it.) Also, I've been trying to vlog every single day since Friday, so I've already got two videos out on my YouTube channel (which, by the way, you should subscribe to if you haven't already--I'm trying to get to 100 subscribers by the end of the year).



(My thumbnails stink; please bear with me as I try to figure them out.)

I'll also be planning my life out (I'm starting to get more into style, and I want to revamp my wardrobe and my bedroom), and just thinking. Because I've been struggling a little bit, like a fish flopping on land.

School has not only been getting on my case, but also ambitions, and I'm realizing that I have so many varied interests and things that I'd love to do besides write. I've always been interested in graphic design. Tackling big projects. Being a creative director for a record label or clothing company would also be cool. Marketing. Advertising. Coming up with ideas for commercials. Making films. Writing for magazines. Launching magazines. Music. I've always been a sort of self-starter; I like being the one to start things, as opposed to placing myself under another person's command. And lately, I've been starting to realize that there isn't ONE dream job where I can do EVERYTHING I want to do. 

I also haven't been reading my Bible as much. Since I don't have a specific set bedtime, it's hard for me to discipline myself and do the things that I need to do, as opposed to doing things that I want to do. When I do read my Bible, the amount of time I spend reflecting on it is way shorter than it should be. I've been trying to make to-do lists and schedule things out, and I've been trying to become more disciplined. I'm going to college in two years--I want to be able to be independent. I want to be able to discipline myself to doing things that I don't want to do. 

And during all this time, my friend has been in the hospital. I won't go into the specifics of what happened, but she probably won't ever be the same person she was before, whether drastically or minutely. 

I visited her yesterday, for about forty to forty-five minutes. The hospital was really nice--there was a birthday party going on in the lobby, and it was one-story, and the sign was written in curlicue print--but seeing her hooked up to a bunch of tubes, staring upward, not being able to move that much, not being able to speak, with her head that seemed larger than normal...I cried. Seeing their Facebook posts update is one thing, but actually visiting her in real life was another. I thought that I could take it. I thought that I would be able to read to her the crazy-crazy-crazy story that we wrote two years ago, that I would be able to talk to her and act like everything was normal.

Instead, I just used up a bunch of their tissues and rubbed her arm. 

I'm planning on going back, certainly. I want to get to the point where I can talk to her like everything is all right, read her the story that we wrote. But right now...it's crazy. Sometimes I think that one day, everything will go back to normal. How crazy it is that today's reality is so different from last year's. 

The last time I talked to her in person was in March, at a birthday party. We talked about school (she's two years younger than I am--we used to go to the same school, but now we don't), and she's always been random and funny, but also mature for her age, someone to whom I could relate. Seeing her yesterday brought me back to reality. She was fine six months ago. 

I pray. And after seeing her yesterday, I will never forget. When I'm complaining about homwork and college and things, I will try to not forget visiting her in the hospital yesterday. I complain about AP Bio, about my grades, about everything...but the more I think about it, the more I realize that my thoughts are so trivial. What I am thankful for far outbalances what I dislike. I'm thankful for her, and for my life, and for everything God has given me. I'm SO. THANKFUL.

I'm thankful that she's still here with us. I'm thankful how God has used her life to give all those who know her a sense of eternity. I'm thankful that she is young, that her body can bounce back and recover. I never in a million years thought that something like this would happen to her--heck, she commented on one or two of the posts on this very blog, a year or two ago!

I'm thankful that she is stable. I'm thankful that she seems to understand commands that her therapists and her family give her. I'm thankful that she was born. I'm thankful that I know her.

I pray every day that God's will be done in her life, and the lives of those around her. Over a thousand people are praying for her; over a thousand people have been affected.

This is crazy.

Live for eternity, not for now.









8 comments:

  1. YAY YOU'RE BACK!! I got so happy when your post popped up haha.

    I totally understand the whole school-life-everything insane thing. The crying over math books. And the detesting science. Gosh, I hate science.

    Oh my gosh. I am so, SO sorry to hear about your friend. That's so hard. Things like that always put everything else into perspective. I'll be praying for her. "Live for eternity, not now." I love that.

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  2. yes. live for eternity, not for now. i'm so sorry to hear about your friend. praying for her. ♡

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  3. live for eternity! *raises hand up*

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  4. woah...yes.
    this post is moving. honestly though, now, i'm really thankful. living for eternity. yes. that's what we do.

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